did you get engaged???
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
