so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
