hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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