Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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