This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
This is the high leading the old right now
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
