woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
