So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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