Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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