On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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