I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
