She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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