Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
