I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
did you just send me my own nude
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
