btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
