he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
