you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
