'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
