can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize