we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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