So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
