your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
