yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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