apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
