neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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