Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
