i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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