If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
