My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
