Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Randomize
