my phone needs a breathalizer
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
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