my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
