you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize