If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
whose parrot is this?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize