I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
