i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize