shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
