I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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