An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
