I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize