You made me cry and you don't even care
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
