I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
