Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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