Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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