god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
