Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
