Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Come share oat with me in your robe
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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