Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
