don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
