my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize