I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
