I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
this is an emotional support booty call
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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