I accidentally burped into my bong.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
