Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
