My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
