Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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