Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
