so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I could fuck to npr.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize