Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
