we have pet lesbian snakes
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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