Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
