I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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