Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
