Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
