So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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