i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
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So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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