bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
