I wish I could punch you in the face.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
