If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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