No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
