I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
