I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Randomize
