Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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